We decorate our house with dreidls (little tops used to play a traditional Hanukkah game), menorahs (9-branch candelabras that are lit each night of the holiday) and many craft items that the boys have created over the years in pre-school and religious school. We bake Hanukkah cookies and we even have a seven-foot-tall inflatable "Dreidl Bear" on the front lawn. One of the eight nights, our extended family will gather to eat chicken soup, potato latkes (pancakes fried in oil), jelly donuts, and other traditional foods. And of course, there will be presents. One each night for young children like 8-year-old Micah, and fewer for Jason and Billy, now that they have had their Bar Mitzvahs and are considered "men."
But this is also a complex time from a parenting perspective. For most Americans, this is the Christmas season. Christmas symbols, lights, Santa Claus and music are everywhere. It's a wonderful time of year, when people seem to be a bit friendlier, and more generous. But at its core, Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus and Christianity. And so, every day of this season is a bit of a balancing act for non-Christians. My goal has always been to have our sons respect and honor other people's beliefs, while believing in and embracing our own. And then, I try to look at our common ground, so that we can share the spirit of the season.
Many non-Jews are surprised to learn that Hanukkah is not a major Jewish holiday. Rather, it has gotten "bigger" because it usually falls during the Christmas season and because, not wanting Jewish children to feel "left-out," an emphasis on gift giving has developed over the past several decades here in America. I remember learning/thinking at some early age that "Christian children have Santa Claus, but that's OK, because he only comes down the chimney one time and we get presents for eight nights." Like that somehow evened out all the predominant Christmas imagery a little Jewish child is exposed to.
But as an adult, I've come to understand that the holiday season shouldn't be about pitting one group's traditions against another's. I love looking at houses that are beautifully decorated with Christmas lights and Christmas trees. I love seeing little children going to see Santa, trying to be on their best behavior and looking at him with a sense of awe. I love seeing family reunions at the airport and 30th Street Station as families gather to celebrate together. And in all these moments I see teaching moments that I try to impart to our boys all year long.
We may have different religious beliefs, but we are blessed to live in a country where we all have a right to practice and follow those beliefs. And really, despite the differences in how and to whom we pray, we really do have a lot in common. Hanukkah and Christmas are both holidays that celebrate miracles. Hanukkah is at its core a holiday that celebrates the right to practice one's religion. It celebrates the Maccabees' victory over the Syrians in 165 BCE, after the Syrians destroyed the Holy Temple and denied Jews the right to practice their religion. There is the story of oil in a holy lamp in the Temple that was only supposed to be enough to last for one day, but which lasted for eight. I've always found it interesting that for Christians, the miracle of Jesus' birth was also announced by a light, the star that guided the Shepherds to Bethlehem. During the darkest days in December, both holidays remind people that for those who believe, there is light and hope.
And both holidays are joyous times, when families come together to celebrate and enjoy traditions, whether they be favorite family recipes or decorations, songs or stories that are told year after year.
This is going to be a tough holiday season for so many families, with the economy still in the dumps and with so many of our fighting men and women deployed far from home. Toys are great for kids, but the real lessons I want to teach are my sons are those of tolerance for people with all different beliefs, of appreciation for living in a place where diversity is celebrated, of cherishing times spent with family and of valuing our own traditions.
So, whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or anything else this time of year, please accept the Buckman Family's Best Wishes for meaningful and joyous season with those you love.
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