But I know the day will come when he doesn't want to be smothered with hugs and kisses. He'll ask to be dropped off down the block and ache for his own driver's license. Our pediatrician tells me this is an important lesson for both parents and children: As early as infancy, children need to be allowed to have time and to do things on their own. The kids he sees run into the biggest stumbling blocks in young adulthood are those who have not been taught to be independent thinkers or to handle themselves on their own.
So I can imagine that Chelsea King's mother was learning to let go a bit of her 17-year old daughter. Letting her drive, letting her spend time with friends, letting her discover herself. And part of that discovery was that Chelsea was a runner, who loved to sprint out into the open California air. My heart broke this week watching the anguish and nerves on that mother's face as she sat on Good Morning America, praying and begging for her daughter to be found alive. Sadly, it was not to be and now she has to grieve her child, allegedly attacked and killed by a registered sex offender.
Such things force every parent to rethink borders and boundaries. But it also can create uncomfortable moments at home as your kids recognize that someone has hurt another kid. How do you talk to young kids about stories like this or explain pictures of kids devastated by the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile?
Experts suggest a number of steps. Try to limit the exposure of kids to catastrophic or graphic news when you can. When you know they've gotten an eyeful or heard an earful somewhere like school, use a number of avenues to get them to communicate. Try to get them to talk to you about how they feel. If they seem reluctant, offer them crayons; kids will often sketch out their fears when words fail.
Still some kids might shrug things off in the moment. But keep an eye on their physical behavior: Do they seem withdrawn? Are they having more nightmares or eating less? Are they more tearful or lashing out at other children. These could all be signs you need to circle back and try to draw your child out.
The parenting node of the website iVillage also cautions that you should check in with yourself before checking on your kids. If you are calm and seem secure talking about tough news, it'll help your kids let go of their anxiety too.
The site recommends letting your kids fill in the blank, maybe with a question - "What did you think of that story in the paper you're reading? Did you see the story on TV about the little girl who got hurt?" They'll tell you what they know and take the lead in telling you what they think and feel. Validate their feelings, while taking care not to amplify them.
If you still need some help, check out the site Talking With Kids at http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/talking_with_kids/. I found it through the website for EduGuide. It touted TWK as a national, non-partisan initiative that's been backed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National PTA, and the National Associations of Elementary and Secondary Principals.
Read more Parenting Perspective blogs by visiting the Parenting Channel on 6abc.com.
