I spoke at the South Jersey Mom Conference for Parenting this past Sunday at the Mt. Laurel Marriott and met an interesting parenting expert. Joan Romeo is an educator and trained Active Parenting Instructor. (Active Parenting is a resource that helps teach parents the skills they may need to effectively raise their children and cope with parenting issues.) Joan told me that most parents are suffering with the same power struggles with their children.
Joan told me, "If you're fighting with your children, they've already won." Never under any circumstance let your child win a power struggle or give in to the child. You're simply reinforcing the behavior. Even engaging in the back and forth banter teaches them to argue with you. Joan also says anger is a natural reaction to frustration on both ends. However, if you react with anger you are modeling the behavior to your child. I've heard this before, but frankly, I needed a good reminder! It's so easy to get frustrated and start to doubt yourself and think that it may be easier to let him wear the flip flops in the winter! But, Romeo says to fight the urge!
When you're in a power struggle, try to calmly disengage. The best way to do that is to offer your child a choice: you can wear this or that, eat this or that etc. That allows the child to have some control over their own lives, without the parent losing control of the situation.
There are a number of books and materials that teach parents how to use the techniques of active parenting. If you missed the parenting conference this year, look out for next year's conference! It provided a lot of great information!
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http://www.activeparenting.com/
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