Even though there are more multiple children than ever before, total strangers will ask very personal questions, make odd comments and certainly act like they deserve the "inside scoop" on your babies just because there's more than one of them! How do you handle these weird situations?
I've been in the public eye for a quarter-century as a television journalist, so I guess I'm used to people. Most are very nice and say kind things. Others are too forward and make unnecessary and even hurtful comments. So I have developed a thicker skin than most.
But when it comes to my twins, I am just as happy about sweet compliments as you... and probably just as disappointed when the comments or questions are not so nice or appropriate. Especially because I've chosen to be a single parent and I used an anonymous donor to have my twins. So take it from me, you can handle all kinds of situations and still feel like you have your dignity afterwards!
The questions range from the obvious to the ridiculous. Some of these I've been asked... others are from the wonderful book by Dagmara Scalise, TWIN SENSE. And no doubt, you'll get other comments or questions that aren't on the list! They may come while you're pregnant, or when you're wheeling your precious cargo along in a stroller minding your own business.
- Do twins run in your family?
- Do you have double the stretch marks?
- How far along are you? I wasn't that big when I was 9 months along!
- How much weight have you gained?
- You'll never get your shape back and your shoe size will definitely never be the same.
- Were you trying for twins?
- Who takes care of them?
- Are you breastfeeding?
- Did you have a C-section?
- Which one is older, bigger?
- Are they identical?
- They look different. (people always seem disappointed when they add this rejoinder.)
- Are they from the same dad?
- What will you tell them about who their dad is?
- Do they wake each other up? Sleep at the same time? Do they share a room?
- Do they have the same personality?
- Do you dress them alike?
- How do you do it?
If you're not someone in the public eye, you may want to just try to ignore the questioner... but do it with a smile as you turn away. Or you could politely say, "That's too personal," or "I only discuss those details with my family. I'm sure you understand."
If you don't mind one or two questions, answer the ones you want and say: "That's it for TWIN TALK today... more another time." With a chuckle!
Change the subject, especially if you have your other children with you and you're trying to focus on them. "Thanks for your interest, but today is a 'Jake' day, so let's talk about my 10-year-old."
If the person just won't quit, you can give them the fuzzy eyeball and say, "you've really gone too far," or "that's really none of your business," or even "it really bothers me that you asked that." But hopefully it won't get to that. And as a last resort, just walk away and say "You'll never know."
I don't think most people mean to be hurtful. They're just so overwhelmed at the thought of double the work, double the crying, double the bottles/diapers/wipes. But what they fail to take into account is double the laughter, double the smiles, double the hugs. I say life is what you make it. And I think having twins is AMAZING! People who hear me say that, still have dire predictions... like "Just wait until they're walking..." or "Just wait until you have double the homework, double the projects." Well, I don't want to miss a moment and I welcome double everything!
If you feel like running back through the list of questions from above... here are my personal answers (at least as much as I'm willing to share... I too like to have some privacy.)
- No
- No
- I did gain a lot!
- 80-lbs.
- Yes I did, yes they are.
- Yes
- Babysitters
- No
- Yes
- Hunter
- No
- Yes
- Yes.
- The truth
- Yes, no, sometimes
- No
- Never
- With a lot of love and patience
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