Parenting: How a Chainsaw Destroyed Christmas

December 20, 2010

Fine. I'll wait. Rules are rules.

Oh, so my brother and his family come over for a visit.

"Hey, wait until you see what I'm getting for Christmas!"

My wife immediately announces her disapproval.

"That's a Christmas gift. You have to wait!"

"But it's not like it's a surprise. I bought the darn thing myself, for crying out loud!"

"Well, you should wait."

Sure, I'll wait. In fact, I waited all of five minutes until my wife left the room. My brother and I marched down to the basement to go check it out.

A little background: we hid the chainsaw in a basement closet. My wife took my children down there one day so she could show them daddy's big "surprise" gift. She says the kids were actually disappointed when they saw the chainsaw. They thought mommy was going to show them THEIR Christmas gifts.

Anyway, I pull the chainsaw out of the closet. My brother and I are checking out the bar (18 inches!), the chain tightening feature, the kickback protector, etc.

And then we hear a door open.

Followed by footsteps.

In one elegant sweep, I place the chainsaw back into the closet. As I'm closing the door, I look up.

The shocked, horrified, incredulous stare of my 10-year-old son meets my eyes.

"Wait, I can explain!"

My brother is already laughing.

"Wait! Get back down here! Don't go away!"

"No!" my son says, as he storms up the stairs.

My brother stops laughing just long enough to ask me: "How did this just happen?"

The basement door opens again, just wide enough so we can hear my son announce to the rest of the family: "Mom, bad news. Daddy just ruined Christmas."

Good news, though. I still get to keep the chainsaw. After all, I paid for it.

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