First date card: And uh-oh! Our two pageant ladies are on the same group date. (Are we surprised?) Ahoy Matey, it's pirate-themed. A swashbuckling adventure on a pirate ship where the women go through a quick pirate school (and costume change). And then there's some sort of wrestling competition with padded sticks on the plank (and beauty queen Hannah B. took out all kinds of aggressions on her castmates).
But it's Caelynn who is chosen to do a sketch with Colton. Killer stares from Hannah B.! After they decided the pirate's life was NOT for them, we see Colton having some nice conversations with a few of the women who haven't been in the spotlight so much, like Katie; but then there's Demi who is firmly claiming her spot as this season's villain. I'm not sure how Tracy didn't slap her when she made references about Tracy being an "older woman." At 31.
Colton has more kiss and cuddle time with Caelynn ("I like you. And I like you"). And Hannah B. is going out of her mind. She decides to tell Colton about her history with Caelynn in the pageant world. She is not explaining things well and he's clearly confused and frustrated by the Pandora's box Hannah is trying to open. He grabs Caelynn again, and she confirms there is bad blood flowing from the pageant world. She also tells him there are some tough things in her past she would love to talk with him about, just not yet. He gets it. He likes her. And Caelynn gets the date rose!
The one-on-one date card goes to: Elyse! She seems genuinely surprised. She gets a helicopter ride (a first for both of them) and they head to an amusement park in San Diego... but surprise! They're not alone. No, it's not more bachelorettes; it's a group of kids from various local children's charities. Colton's great with all the little ones and she's officially smitten. Big kiss at the top of the roller coaster seals the deal!
And the date's not over. Dinner is served. They have a heart-to-heart about a big loss Elyse went through in her family and how it changed her perspective on life. Colton's eyes light up when she talks about family and children. Elyse also gets a rose! She admits this is the best date of her life and guess what? It's not over yet. Colton opens a door and they are in a concert hall with a full audience and country singer Tenille Arts. He says it's one of his best dates ever, as well! Let's hear it for the 31 year olds!
Public service announcement to anyone one who goes on the bachelor: when you whisper... the microphone still hears you & then they use subtitles— Colton Underwood (@colton) January 22, 2019
One more group date literally has the women getting down and dirty. Yes it's the "Bachelor's Strongest Woman" competition. Fitness is clearly important to Colton so he wants to make sure his future wife also has an affinity for sweating it out.
Actor Terry Crews and his wife Rebecca help coach the bachelorettes. And here's the best part: Fred Willard in the announcer booth with Chris Harrison!
One challenge: push a 100-pound wedding cake down a track (sorry Nicole!). Another: flip a monster tire over and over down the course. And then there was the limo pull. Yes, the women were chained to a limousine and asked to pull it several yards (Caitlyn surprised us all!) The final three left standing were Sydney, Onyeka and Catherine. And the winner of the too-big trophy: Onyeka! (Note to producers: need more Willard). This group gets to change out of their athletic wear and into evening clothes for cocktails and chat (and kisses) with Colton. Caitlin, the Realtor from Canada, was anxious to finally have her first alone time with Colton; it did not go well. Nothing bad happened, she was just boring and the two didn't connect so Colton cut her loose right then and there. If that doesn't send a message to all the other women I don't know what will! But there's still a date rose on that table when he gets back to the group, and it goes to Nicole from Miami.
In light of the Caitlin ejection, the girls are on edge. Then Chris comes in and says "no cocktail party tonight!" They're freaked at first, until Chris says "psych!" and they are having a pool party instead. Colton needs clarity; bikinis and booze should be just what the doctor ordered. Belly flops abound, the giggling is overpowering; but the events of the week have clearly gotten under Hannah B.'s skin and her rage will not be stopped. Caelynn gets to Colton first and gives her side to their pageant past; she feels Hannah B. got jealous of her success and started undermining and badmouthing her. Colton is processing the info and says he didn't see any of those things in Hannah. Manipulative? Toxic? Deceitful? They are words that are sticking in his head so he finds Hannah B. and asks for her side of the story. Hannah disputes the accusations and says Caelynn is the one who's being manipulative. Colton is clearly frustrated with the two queens and doesn't know who to trust, if anyone.
There IS a third rose ceremony. Blooms go to Hannah G, Tayshia, Katie, Cassie, Kirpa, Sydney, Demi, Tracy, Courtney, Heather, Onyeka, and (cue sinister music) Hannah B. Caelynn, Elyse and Nicole already had their roses.
Next week: Singapore! And lots more bachelorette drama.