Dealing with grief, grieving around the holidays

FOX CHASE, Pa. (WPVI) -- Grief over a loved one's loss is tough to deal with at any time. But it can be even harder during the holidays.

Experts from Fox Chase Cancer Center offer coping skills for families and friends.

The song calls it "the most wonderful time of the year.''

However, mental health nurse Beth Smith, CRNP, and social worker Sheila Amrhein, LCSW, of Fox Chase Cancer Center also witness heartache in their support groups.

"The holidays just really magnify the loss," notes Smith.

"It may be the anticipation that this may be the last holiday together, or it may be the first holiday without their loved one," she adds.

The grief leaves many feeling out of sync with the world around them.

Smith and Amrhein remind patients they don't need to live up to anyone else's expectations.

"Grief has its own timeline," says Amrhein, adding that each person goes through it at their own pace.

It's completely normal to not be ready for holiday traditions yet -- especially for those who normally do all the holiday work.

Be candid about it with family and friends, picking and choosing what you do want.

"It's deciding what among those things are really essential," says Amrhein.

"Even not doing something that you might not have enjoyed," says Smith.

"New traditions are also a nice change," says Amrhein.

Smith and Amrhein say it's important to remember the person who passed away - leafing through a photo album, or telling stories will bring that person into the room.

"Just any way that you can keep that person alive because everyone's still carrying them in their hearts," says Smith.

Don't be afraid to reach out to someone grieving, even if you haven't made contact before or in a long time.

Even a simple message is better than not saying anything.

"Usually, what people want more than anything is to hear the name of their loved one," says Amrhein.

They just wish people would ask or reach out," adds Smith.