Parenting Perspective: What kids want in a coach

March 17, 2010

During Flag Football season, he jumps out of the shower on Saturday mornings to write down new plays he hopes to have his team execute during that day's game. He's been preparing for the Little League draft for weeks now, having taken copious notes during evaluations over the weekend. And from what I can tell, he's a really good coach. Just this week, Terry and his fellow coach, commissioner, and friend, Saul, received this email from the parents of a boy (name changed) they coached last year:

    "Hi Terry and Saul,

    Our son "Jimmy" is excited for baseball again this year. If you happen to need someone of his ability on your team this year, we would love for "Jimmy" to be on your team. "Jimmy" had such a great experience with you both last year and you are a big part of why he loves baseball. We really appreciated your approach and we loved seeing "Jimmy's" confidence grow over the course of the season. I know I cannot make any requests but thought it was worth letting you know. Thank you, ("Jimmy's" parents)"

And this is not the first time Terry has received this kind of note. I've tried to figure out why he's such a good coach. And I can't help but compare him to other coaches the boys have had over the years. Some have been great, others not so good, which is the nature of having your kids in leagues where all of the coaches are parent volunteers.

Here are some of my conclusions. First of all, Terry loves sports and competition. But he also really likes working with the kids, who are so eager to learn new skills. He has a knack for being able to show them how to do things, in a way they can comprehend. And he manages to give them critiques that aren't insulting or embarrassing. And above all, he's fair. Our boys always knew, that even though their dad was the coach, they weren't going to get any extra playing time or other perks, unless they earned it through game time performance - just like everyone else. He finds a strength in all his players. He once coached a boy with Asperger's Syndrome in Flag Football and set up a play that enabled him to score a winning touchdown. The look on that boy's face when all his teammates were "high-fiving" him was unforgettable.

Turns out, these are just the kind of things kids want in a coach, according to a survey done by Utah Youth Soccer (http://www.utahyouthsoccer.net/tt_top_ten.pdf). They've compiled a Top Ten list of what makes a good kids' coach - according to kid players.

Here's their list:

10. Know the game
9. Listen to your players
8. Don't play favorites
7. Get everyone in the game
6. Make it fun for the kids
5. Have fun as the coach
4. Don't baby them
3. Be a teacher
2. Act your age
1. Care - but not too much

Sometimes, it's amazing how kids can capture the simple essence of what's important. Turns out kids don't like it when their coaches argue with refs or umps. They like getting treats after games. They don't like a coach who makes them feel worse than they already do when the team loses. And they really don't like coaches who play favorites. They want coaches who know the sport better than they do and who can teach them something.

Seems like common sense - just like it seems like common sense that kids' coaches would keep these things in mind.

For more tips on coaching kids, try these sites:

http://www.wecoachkids.com/index.html

http://www.girls-softball.com/coaching.htm

http://www.guidetocoachingbasketball.com/

http://www.coaching-youth-baseball.com/index.php

Read more Parenting Perspective blogs by visiting the Parenting Channel on 6abc.com.

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