There have been more than a few times I have splurged on my son to either keep him quiet, keep him happy, or simply to hear him say, "Dad, you're the best!"
When you're busy or stressed, it's tempting to buy your child a much-wanted toy to get through the store or supermarket without one of those "I need a nap meltdowns". But experts say if your child rarely has to wait between "I want it" and "I have it", then he may be missing out on developing the emotional tools he'll need to be a happy and successful adult.
In other words, dealing with disappointment is a way of life, and we as parents have to help our kids experience it and manage it.
Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, a noted child psychologist, says when children don't have the opportunity to deal with the little disappointments by your saying no, then you may be giving them poor preparation for dealing with the larger difficulties that may come their way later.
Another expert Steven Friedfeld writes: "It's not too far a stretch to see how a child who is given every new video game the day it comes out, can develop into an adult who gets frustrated when he isn't given the corner office on his first day of work."
This type of information has forced me to take a good look at how often I say "no" to my son, and how I can start to "de-spoil" him.
Here is one recommendation I came across:
We as parents must take a good look at ourselves first and foremost. As much as we hate to admit it, spoiling is mostly about us. Many parents - myself included - often try to compensate for what we didn't have as children. Other parents are trying to assure themselves that their children love them. And still others are trying to resolve some type of parental guilt. So try to figure out where your need to spoil is coming from.
Experts say ask yourself these questions:
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1. Am I tired or over-stressed and looking for a quick-fix solution?
2. Am I feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my kid?
3. Am I getting more of a kick out of this gift than my child is?
Good luck. Read more Parenting Perspective blogs by visiting the Parenting Channel on 6abc.com.
