For example, we allow him to decide what to wear to school or what book to read in his spare time, or even what type of snack he would like during the day.
And then there are times when he has to negotiate. In other words, Nicholas has to explain his reasoning for wanting something. If he can persuade us, or convince us to why he should get something at the store, or go visit a friend, then we'll let him.
Believe it or not, negotiation is good practice - even for a seven-year-old. For Nicholas there have been and will continue to be times when what he wants will clash with others - especially at school. And I want him to learn how to handle those situations. It's a critical life skill that I'm still working on myself. But as a parent, it seems more important to make my son a skilled negotiator right now, as he matures and hopefully learns how to control his emotions.
So when trying to reinforce the principles of negotiation for a child, here's some tips a child psychologist offered to me:
1. Stress the importance of listening. Successful negotiations depend as much on listening as it does talking.
2. Reinforce the importance of keeping a cool head. If things get heated, teach your child that the best way to move forward is to take a break and perhaps continue negotiating when things calm down.
3. Emphasize that for negotiations to work, it's essential to maintain a respectful and considerate attitude toward the other person. If people feel attacked, they will be in no mood for compromise.
Certainly, children need to know life isn't a competition, and that it's not always just about getting what you want. But the sooner my kid learns to find solutions that will make everyone happy, the better. That's how everyone wins.
