But in speaking with friends, I learned many parents don't pay their older children to babysit younger siblings. They say it's a responsibility, which comes with being part of a family. And I understand that perspective also. We don't pay the boys if they were going to be home anyway - for example, if we have a half-hour teacher conference on a weeknight, when they'd be home doing homework whether we were there or not.
I'm not sure there's a right and wrong when it comes to this issue, but there are some issues parents should consider when deciding whether to pay their own children for babysitting younger brothers or sisters.
Parent Educator Lynn of Vancouver, who writes for the website Today's Parent (http://www.todaysparent.com/teen/article.jsp?content=781) tackled this subject as well. She suggests a compromise on the topic of paid versus unpaid sibling sitting: "Many parents pay their preteen if she has to turn down a paying job to stay home with her siblings. Another approach is to negotiate the amount of free babysitting she will give each month. If, for example, you have a regular activity requiring babysitting one evening a week, you might ask her to be available that evening and one weekend night a month.
Whatever the arrangement, it is important that you discuss it with her. She needs to know that while you don't believe that she should be paid every time she babysits at home, there is some room for negotiation. The goal is to respect her desire and ability to make extra money, while letting her know that you want her to contribute to the family by looking after her young siblings, simply because she's needed."
Pam Thompson, a blogger from South Dakota and mother of six, comes down squarely on the side of paying siblings to sit. She says: (http://www.helium.com/items/1301888-guidelines-for-sibling-babysitters): "Your child does not want to work for free, and for that matter, neither would you. Make sure that you pay your child at least as much as you would pay her counterparts. If you demand too much free babysitting, you just may find she will take some higher paying jobs elsewhere, leaving you to hunt for a sitter on your own!
It is beneficial for a teen to earn her own money, and you may find that you have to hand out less money when social events come up. Babysitting can be a great way to earn money, and learning to manage it. Ask other parents how much they pay their babysitters to come up with a fair wage, as it can vary from area to area and is dependent on the ages of the children being cared for.
All in all, the benefits of your child watching younger siblings outweigh the possible pitfalls. Caring for younger siblings can strengthen the bonds between brothers and sisters, and can teach responsibility. Often for a shy or insecure child, caring for younger siblings can give her the confidence to babysit for other families. And no parent can argue against the convenience of not having to drive to pick up and drop off a sitter!"
I would add that when you pay your own children to do jobs around the house, you should have definite guidelines and expectations for them, just as you would an outside sitter or employee. Do you expect them to clean up the dinner dishes? Can they play video games all night, or do you expect them to play with their sibling? Can they have friends over while baby-sitting? I think sometimes we assume they'll do what we want with little direction, but it's always a good idea to clarify these issues, just as you would with someone you would hire from the outside. I also make an effort to give the older boys as much notice as I can when we need them to sit - and if they already have plans, they do have the option of saying, "No."
And I always check in with the younger child the next morning to see how it went the night before. Obviously, you can't do this with infants, but once children can talk, I think it's important to let them know they have a say in whether it's OK with them to have their older sibling baby-sit.
The bottom line, as it is in so many parenting decisions, comes down to knowing your children and their personalities. First, you have to decide whether they're responsible enough to baby-sit.
Second, you have to balance what you're willing to pay with your expectations of how much you expect from them - both in terms of the sitting they do and they expenses you expect them to pay for out of their earnings. Personally, I think it's better to have kids earn money by baby-sitting, if they want a new video game or toy and have them buy it themselves, than it is for parents to buy the toy outright. Working for what you want is a valuable lesson at any age. For more opinions on this topic, check out this blog: http://www.momsview.com/discus/messages/41/197567.html
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