Parenting: Creating an "escape zone" for your child

March 22, 2011

Sometimes a time-out spot or "Regaining self-control" chair isn't enough, as author Caltha Crowe wrote in her book SAMMY AND HIS BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS. So the elementary school teacher tried something innovative to help one ADD student find his own peace when he got mad during school.

It started with telling Sammy how a turtle finds a safe place in its shell, and asking if he'd like to try making a special place where he can go to pretend to be a turtle in its shell. In this case, Sammy was thrilled because he loves turtles and he suggested hiding under a desk... even decorating it like the underside of a turtle shell to really feel like he's getting away to a safe zone.

At first his teacher didn't like the idea of him hiding under a desk, but since it was the art table in an out-of-the-way corner, it made for an inconspicuous "safe" spot and she decided to try it.

Sammy, a 3rd grader, decorated it with strips of green paper hanging down to make a curtain, and posters with brown and beige designs on them for the shell. It seemed to work as an escape hatch the next time Sammy felt he was about to blow up at another student.

The first time he used it, he crawled under the table and curled up in a ball. Moments later he came out on his own refreshed, smiling and rejoined the group discussion.

I think it's interesting that Crowe was willing to think outside the box and customize a solution for a different kind of child.

Here's how she summarized it: "Using the turtle spot to calm down was a big moment for Sammy. I don't know if the turtle spot worked so well because he created it himself, because it's safe and cozy, because it's just for him, or because of the animal analogy. In any case, it feels like a turning point. With children like Sammy, as with many students, we teachers have to try different things, even in the last or next to last month of school, and see which ones stick. I'm going to continue encouraging Sammy to use his turtle spot."

I'm not suggesting that you use Draconian measures like putting your child in a small space against their wishes. That would scare them and have the opposite effect of regaining a peaceful presence. But I do think it's cool that a child can set up a mini pup tent in one corner of their room and crawl into it...or drape some blankets on a couple chairs in the den and hide out until they feel better. It's the idea of an escape or getaway that seems to comfort children, especially if it is one they thought of and designed.

I think it's interesting that Crowe was willing to think outside the box and customize a solution for a different kind of child.

See if a fun "escape zone" is what you need to restore the calm at your house.

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